Through the Looking Glass: How Life and Relationships Mirror Your Inner Reality
A Wake-Up Call from Within
Before I started my journey of self-discovery and healing, I was living on autopilot. Anxiety ran my days, and I was constantly on high alert, just trying to survive. I didn’t even realize how disconnected I was from myself. (Later, I would find out I had CPTSD — a topic I’ll dive deeper into in my next article.)
Then, I discovered one principle that changed everything.
It taught me that life isn’t just a series of random events happening to us — it’s a carefully orchestrated reflection of what’s happening within us. Just like you can’t see your own face without a mirror, you can’t always see the truth of what’s happening inside of you without someone or something reflecting it back.
This is where the universe steps in. In its infinite wisdom, it uses people, relationships, and experiences as mirrors to bring the hidden parts of ourselves into the light — our unspoken beliefs, buried emotions, and untapped potential.
This is the mirror principle: the idea that our outer world reflects our inner world, offering invaluable insights into who we are, where we stand, and where we are ready to grow.
Why is this important? Because these reflections show us where we are on the path of growth and transformation. They reveal what’s working, what’s holding us back in life, and what is ready to evolve. Without this mirror, it’s easy to stay blind to the patterns shaping our reality. But with it, we gain the power to create meaningful change and align with the highest version of ourselves.
When Life Holds Up a Mirror
When I began my healing journey, I started asking myself a simple but life-changing question: “Why is this in my movie?” This question became my guide, helping me see that my life’s repeated patterns, people’s behaviour towards me, and the challenges I kept facing were not random. They were reflections — mirrors showing me the parts of myself I hadn’t fully yet healed and acknowledged.
I began to notice how my inner beliefs and emotions were being reflected back to me through my experiences. At home, I often felt undervalued, frustrated, and unappreciated. When I paused to reflect and asked myself, “What is this repeated situation showing me?” I realized it wasn’t just about my environment — but about how I wasn’t seeing my own value as a mother and a wife.
We live in a society that often overlooks the emotional and physical labour that women pour into their households. This realization pushed me to question my own belief system. How much of my worth was tied to external validation? How much was shaped by societal programming? By asking these questions, I began to reclaim my sense of worth — I realized that my worth needed to come from within — and that I had to see and value myself first.
In my relationship, I often felt emotionally neglected by my partner. This led me to dig deeper and ask: “Where am I neglecting my own needs?” I began to see that I had a pattern of over-giving and prioritizing others to the point of ignoring my boundaries and well-being. This reflection taught me to respect myself enough to honour my needs, set healthier boundaries, and create space for mutual care and connection.
These reflections were not easy to face at first, but when I started seeing them as lessons, they became liberating. They gave me clarity on where I needed to heal and what needed my attention. Over time, I realized that life wasn’t just happening to me — it was happening for me, constantly pointing me back to myself.
Your Reflections Beyond Relationships
The mirror principle doesn’t stop with relationships – it also reflects parts of ourselves that need healing in other aspects of our lives as well. Here are some common areas where it shows up:
• At Work: If you’re in a toxic work environment, it could be a reflection of where you struggle to set boundaries or advocate for yourself. Are you tolerating disrespect or undervaluing your skills?
• Health: Persistent stress, fatigue, or recurring physical symptoms often mirror unaddressed emotional pain. Are you carrying burdens you haven’t processed or pushing yourself too hard?
• Money: Financial challenges might reflect deeper beliefs about scarcity or self-worth. Do you believe you’re deserving of abundance, or are you stuck in a mindset of “not good enough”?
• Everyday Life: Recurring frustrations – like being stuck in traffic or experiencing constant delays – might reflect a deeper need for control or resistance to what is. Are you trying to force outcomes instead of accepting life’s timing? Where in your life are you struggling to let go and trust the process?
Why Do We Keep Repeating the Same Patterns?
Here’s the truth: Familiar patterns often feel safer than the unknown, even when they hurt. I know this because I’ve lived it. I found myself stuck in cycles that felt impossible to break, not realizing that the roots of these patterns were deeply tied to childhood programming.
As children, we absorb beliefs about ourselves and the world based on our earliest experiences. If those experiences involve conditional love, neglect, or instability, we unconsciously develop survival strategies like over-giving, avoiding conflict, or suppressing our needs. These strategies might have kept us safe as children, but they hold us back as adults, keeping us stuck in the same vicious cycle.
If you’re curious to dive deeper into how childhood programming affects our relationships and how we show up in life, you can explore my article: It’s Not Just You — It’s Both of Us: Rethinking Love and Connection Today.
Triggers: Mirrors of Unhealed Wounds
Your emotional triggers are some of the most powerful mirrors in your life. When something provokes a strong reaction, it’s rarely about the situation itself — it’s about what the situation reflects within you.
Triggers hold up a mirror to unresolved emotions, unhealed wounds, or unmet needs, but they also reveal parts of ourselves that we have denied or rejected. The qualities that irritate or provoke us in others are often the very traits we possess but have disowned or buried deep within ourselves.
This is where triggers become incredible tools for shadow work. Shadow work invites us to embrace these “hidden” or less-acknowledged parts of ourselves rather than pushing them away.
When you become triggered, ask yourself:
• Why did this situation upset me so much?
• What part of myself am I rejecting or denying that’s being reflected here?
• Where do I also possess this quality I see in someone else?
• What need or boundary of mine feels unmet right now?
For example:
• Feeling dismissed by someone — might reflect areas where you’re not honouring your own voice. And, it could also reveal where you dismiss the needs of others or even silence yourself out of fear.
• Resentment toward someone’s selfishness — might reflect a need to set boundaries. And, it could also highlight where you’ve denied your own healthy selfishness — the ability to prioritize yourself without guilt.
Triggers aren’t comfortable, but they are transformative. They guide you toward healing and show you the parts of yourself that are ready to be acknowledged, integrated, and loved.
How to Realign and Break the Cycle
Working with the mirror principle isn’t about fixing yourself – it’s about aligning with your true self. Here’s how to start:
1. Pause and Reflect: When faced with recurring patterns or strong emotions, ask yourself, “Why is this in my movie?” “What is this trying to show me about myself?”
2. Journal Your Observations: Write about situations or triggers that feel significant. Look for themes or beliefs that might be reflected back to you.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Approach yourself with kindness and curiosity, not judgment. These patterns were often formed as survival mechanisms.
4. Explore Inner Work: Anything that helps you connect with yourself — Meditation, journaling, breathwork, therapy, or coaching can help you uncover and shift subconscious beliefs.
5. Set Intentions: Once you’ve identified patterns, focus on creating new, aligned beliefs and behaviours. For example, if you’ve identified over-giving, practice setting boundaries and prioritizing your own needs.
Your Outer World Reflects Your Inner Growth
The mirror principle offers a powerful lens for self-discovery and growth. By recognizing that your outer world reflects your inner state, you reclaim the ability to create meaningful change in your life.
This isn’t about perfection – it’s about alignment. The more you nurture self-awareness, compassion, and intentionality, the more your outer reality will reflect the love, respect, and abundance you truly deserve.
Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions or if you have a topic you would like me to explore further. If you’re ready to dive deeper into your personal growth and want to work 1:1, visit my website at www.monikatyab.com to book a 60-minute complimentary clarity call. I would love to support you on your healing journey.
Want to explore self-discovery and alignment more deeply? Follow me on Instagram at @evolvewithmonika for reflections, tools and more insights into creating the life you deserve.
