Why We Ghost: The Mental Health Struggle of Our Digital Age (Part 1)

Ghosting: The act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, instant messages, etc., often without warning or explanation.

In today’s world, ghosting is more than a social behaviour; it’s also a reflection of our collective mental health challenges. Many people feel overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally stretched thin, and ghosting has become an easy way to avoid additional stress. Digital communication provides a layer of separation that can make disengagement feel safe, yet it can also fuel patterns of avoidance.

Our increasing reliance on digital spaces has created a paradox: we’re more connected than ever, yet we often feel isolated. This disconnect intensifies the tendency to ghost, especially when combined with the mental health strains many face today. Ghosting has become a widespread behaviour, a quick escape in a world where genuine connection and vulnerability feel increasingly rare. Disappearing behind a screen often feels easier than facing discomfort or confrontation. However, for the person left behind, this brings confusion and hurt, leaving them to wonder what went wrong without any closure or accountability.

The Heart of Ghosting — A Response to Generations of Distrust

Ghosting has become increasingly common in recent years, showing up everywhere, from dating and friendships to professional interactions. It often leaves those on the receiving end feeling confused, dismissed, hurt, and even betrayed. But why has this behaviour become so prevalent? What does it reveal about our society? And, more importantly, what deeper collective wounds are driving it?

While ghosting may seem like a quick escape, it reflects a much deeper issue — a widespread societal distrust that has been building for generations. Many of us have grown up in a world where interactions often feel transactional: self-serving, conditional, and sometimes manipulative, with hidden motives lurking behind seemingly friendly gestures.

Our society has operated with unspoken agendas for decades, creating relationships that can feel conditional or insincere. This dynamic has conditioned us to be wary, making genuine, open connections feel risky. Ghosting, then, has become an easy way to sidestep these uncomfortable dynamics, yet in avoiding direct engagement, we deepen a wound that has spanned generations — a wound rooted in distrust.

Part 1: Understanding Ghosting Through Compassionate Lenses

The Culture of “Don’t Take No for an Answer”

Sales 101: to succeed, “Don’t take no for an answer.” Create urgency with phrases like, “I only have two spots left in my group program,” or “If you buy now, I’ll include an extra bonus,” or even, “Today only — I’ll give you a 20% discount.” — What approaches can you use to be the best salesperson? What strategies will close the deal? And so it goes, with constant encouragement to make the sale.

Today, new teachings are added to the old: show vulnerability and authenticity. These valuable principles are sometimes used as strategies to sound more genuine, which often has the opposite effect — people can sense when it’s not real. The message remains clear: persistence is essential. “Sell it to them — they just don’t realize they need it yet.”

Many of us grow up with this notion that persistence is a virtue, even in the face of “no.” This message, so pervasive in sales, also extends into our personal lives, subtly teaching us that we are somehow “failing” if we accept rejection. In a culture like this, boundaries become obstacles rather than respected choices. Relationships can turn into a quest to win approval or push for outcomes, and open dialogue starts to feel risky. People, sensing this pressure, often choose to disengage altogether. Ghosting then becomes a way to escape the discomfort of confrontation or rejection, offering a path that feels safer than a direct “no.”

We’re All “Selling” All the Time

Whether we realize it or not, this transactional mindset exists far beyond sales roles. We’re constantly selling something: a parent might “sell” certain behaviours to a child to ensure they grow up aligned with specific values or beliefs, subtly shaping them to meet their own ideals. In relationships, a partner might “sell” the idea of being the perfect match, adapting to fit what they think the other person wants. Often, this selling is less about genuine connection and more about personal gain — aiming to win affection or approval to fulfil one’s own needs.

In the workplace, it’s the same story. An employee might “sell” themselves as indispensable, working overtime or adjusting their personality to win recognition. These subtle acts of selling often create a sense of inauthenticity, where interactions feel less about genuine connection and more about hidden motives to advance oneself. Over time, this dynamic can make people feel like they’re being managed rather than truly valued, leading to a sense of discomfort and mistrust.

When people sense that they’re being “managed” in this way — through subtle selling, hidden motives, or unspoken agendas — it creates mistrust. The interaction feels loaded with expectations or conditions. Ghosting becomes a way to escape what feels like a performance, allowing people to avoid the pressure of managing impressions or dealing with others’ hidden agendas. It also becomes a natural response — a way to opt out when we sense manipulation or insincerity. It then offers an escape in a culture where trust can feel scarce, even though it perpetuates the very cycle of distrust we’re trying to avoid.

Conditioning Around Boundaries and Conflict Avoidance

Growing up in households or relationships where “no” was met with resistance or ignored, many people learn early on that honesty can sometimes lead to trouble. As a child, you might have been told not to eat a cookie before dinner but did it anyway when no one was looking, then lied to avoid punishment. As a teenager, maybe you snuck out instead of asking for permission, knowing it would sidestep an argument. As an adult, you might choose not to answer your partner’s call when you’re out with friends, thinking that avoiding a potential conflict is safer than facing an uncomfortable conversation.

In such situations, openly expressing limits or desires might feel foreign or unsafe. People raised with this conditioning may feel that asserting boundaries or being transparent will only escalate tension. As a result, they might disappear instead, choosing avoidance over confrontation. Ghosting, in these cases, becomes a learned adaptation — a way to exit situations without having to face uncomfortable conversations head-on.

Thoughtful Reflection

As we uncover the roots of ghosting, it becomes easier to understand why it happens. This doesn’t make it acceptable, but it reveals motivations that inspire us to show up in a more genuine way. While it may feel like an easy escape, it is important to understand that it’s rooted in our cultural conditioning around persistence, hidden motives, and the tendency to push past boundaries. Recognizing these patterns gives us a chance to break the cycle and choose differently.

Understanding ghosting with compassion doesn’t mean condoning it; rather, it can encourage us to reflect on our own behaviour and take responsibility for how we communicate. It’s a reminder that true connection is built on transparency and respect, not avoidance. By choosing to show up authentically, we can create space for healthier, more genuine interactions. These reflections help us approach each connection with awareness, and even if we’re tempted to disengage, we can remember that each choice to be present contributes to a culture built on connection and trust.

Looking Ahead: Taking Responsibility and Creating Change

Understanding ghosting can inspire compassion and also challenge us to take responsibility. Recognizing these patterns gives us the power to choose differently. In Part 2, we’ll explore actionable steps to build trust, set respectful boundaries, and communicate with authenticity. Doing so can cultivate a culture of transparency and genuine connection, even in a world where ghosting often feels like the easy way out. Choosing more authentic ways of connecting allows us to nurture healthier relationships and rebuild a foundation of transparency and trust.